I'm a bit of a spiritual mutt, really. My dad was a preacher, so I grew up knowing the churchy stuff. I knew the Bible stories and the fancy words that only Christians know. In my adult life, through a few big relocations (Chicago! Then Boston!) with my man, we were faithful to go to church. But we didn't really go to God.  

 

My faith focused on the list of should’s I had created since I was young: I should act this way. I should memorize this verse. I should have quiet time. I should smile at church. I should be a youth group volunteer. I should be perfect.

 

My faith was about checking boxes. And head knowledge. And will power. Not heart.

​

I coasted along on that mentality until my husband (also Christian-y since childhood) and I actually needed Jesus. Our marriage was hard and we needed help. And by his grace, He saved our marriage and began growing us.

 

THAT is when we learned there is more to this Jesus thing. 

 

When my faith turned from learning about Him to spending time with Him, and I moved my list of made-up "should's" out of my own way, THEN I could finally make room for JESUS to be the author and perfector of my faith.

 

I just had to stop striving.

Turn my heart and ears to Him.

And let Him do this thing. 

Huh. 

​

Sometimes, I still try to should myself.

 

But He keeps reminding me: Seek My voice. Hear Me. Let Me lead.

​

That's what this writing life is about -- a commitment to share what that looks like for this recovering "should-er."