By Kimberly Kralovic
Hear Him Louder Essay Series: Kimberly's Story
I wasn’t a stranger to chronic health issues or even anxiety and depression. Over recent years, I searched for answers, doctor after doctor, job after job. My goal was to find health and happiness. Yet, I sank further into the sand with every step I took.
My deepest, lowest moment was when I heard Him the loudest.
When Struggling Overcame My Life
Physical ailments and stress led me down a mental spiral. Though I had so much hope, I felt punished. Everything was falling apart. My relationships, job, health, and nothing made sense.
Where was God when I needed him most?
Each day, I struggled more than the last. Between gasping for breaths, uncontrollable rage, and stumbling on my words due to forgetfulness, I knew something serious was happening in my body. I feared driving, could barely talk on the phone at work or function at the level of my normal abilities, and when I was home, I couldn't get off the couch or make sudden movements. Walking and moving my body became non-existent. Symptoms occurred all at once, clearly related. I looked into the mirror and hardly recognized my reflection.
I knew I was very sick, but I didn’t understand what was happening. And no one else understood either.
Life couldn’t go on this way without drastic measures or a miracle. I contemplated my next steps. My lunch breaks and evenings brought countless hours of Google searches. I was hungry for answers.
I felt broken, but I also knew my illness was nothing God couldn’t heal.
Praying for Direction
As I crawled into bed one night, defeat took over. I was lost, confused, and conflicted. My health kept declining. No one understood my ailments or fears. The enemy was working hard. The world felt against me.
I again pleaded with God for help because I knew only He could save me.
I prayed for a sign, a voice, anything to offer direction.
All I wanted was to take back my life, to be the person I was before.
Six months into my deep suffering and sickness, all of a sudden, my mind went silent.
I heard the words, “Get out.” I raised my head, and a few seconds later came the phrase, “You must leave.” I felt His strong presence and that solidified everything for me.
Let Healing Begin
Everything was going to be okay, and I knew what to do next. My life depended on it. After researching and listening to my gut, I knew I was slowly dying.
Boldly and confidently, I took a stance.
After trying to fix and remediate the literal walls surrounding me, I couldn’t lay another brick on a shaky foundation. So, I left everything behind to fix the root of my issues and my quality of life.
I moved in with my in-laws and bought new clothing, one piece at a time. Several months later, my body finally started healing from toxic mold. After about a year, my breathing returned to normal with medical assistance, and my mind felt at ease. At least for the most part.
At first, I remember thinking, I couldn’t possibly see how life could get better. As I took these steps, to live somewhere else, to leave things behind, I asked myself, “How could this be my life?”and “What would people say or think?” and “How would this impact my future?”
But deep down, I knew He would safely guide me. The year 2020 brought many emotions for us all, including panic and anxiety. But, strangely, I felt the opposite. For a girl who chose anxiety as her identity for much of her life, that was a huge testimony to the work He was doing.
For the first time, I didn’t care what others thought because I heard the words loud and clear. Every ounce of my soul felt strongly convicted.
Lessons I Learned
Years of unexplainable dizziness and migraines led me to severe breathing difficulties, and suddenly I had clarity: it was due to mold. When I finally reached a breaking point, God helped me in many ways. I found a new appreciation for Him in my every day. From sipping coffee to writing my to-do list and beyond, I know He’s with me with every breath.
He saw I was hurting in so many undesirable ways. He had more for me. I’m unsure where I’d be if I hadn’t been so sick from the mold. But the truth is, even before that, I was miserable. And I wouldn’t search for Him daily now without experiencing what I went through.
In the end, that season of suffering brought unbelievable joy and healing.
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” (1 Peter 12-13, ESV)
My pain turned to peace, and my heart for God grew like never before.
Photo credit: Wix Media
The Hear Him Louder Essay Series is a guest essay series where God's daughters share their stories of hearing God’s whispers in their every day. It’s meant to serve as an encouragement for the times when God feels far and seems quiet. When we read each other’s stories of how He meets us, it reminds and reassures us that He is near. May this series be an invitation for us to listen for His voice together.
Don't miss any posts in this series! Subscribe to receive notifications for each new essay, posted every other Thursday. When you subscribe, you'll receive a link to a FREE resource, A Listening Guide + Prayer Map, which walks you through four heart postures to help you learn to hear His voice in prayer. This guide is a tool to listen for Him differently, and capture your prayer time in a new way, helping you know Him deeper and hear Him louder.
Learn more about each posture:
1 | Know: Will God Speak, Even to Me?
2 | Expect: Can I Expect to Hear God?
3 | Listen: How Do I Listen for God?
4 | Connect: Is God Really Right Here?
New to this series? Check out the rest of the series!
Interested in contributing to the Hear Him Louder Essay Series? The call for submissions opens twice a year. To submit an essay outside of those windows, contact me.
About Kimberly
Kimberly Kralovic is a writer who encourages Christians in the daily fight while trusting in God’s faithful direction. Her purpose is to ignite hope in the hearts of others. As an advocate for mental health, she resides in NW, Ohio, with her husband.
She has written for A Wife Like Me, Calla Press, among several other blog sites.